Monday, November 19, 2012


Happy Monday everyone.
Well it's happy for me because I have off...and I plan on doing some serious Christmas shopping at the mall on Tuesday and my hubs said we could put up the Christmas tree....score!

Well, this post has been coming for along time...ever since I started blogging almost a year ago I debated about writing this post because it was very personal.

So here it goes.
I have depression.

I think it really began in 8th grade but I didn't know it then.
I decided to do something about it a year and a half ago...
See it began really simple. The feeling of not wanting to get out of bed. My husband would come home from work at 4pm and I would still be in bed. He would ask me what was going on and I would say nothing I just felt like laying in bed.
Then the mood swings started coming. I could put on a good front in front of family and friends but by myself I would feel awful.
I hated my weight, the way I looked, everything about myself. I was taking 'work' home with me and letting inmates put me down.

I would cry for no reason or any reason for that matter. The longer periods in bed began. Then I found myself watching really sad parts of movies on purpose. Yes you read that right. I would put movies in and fast forward to really depressing or sad parts to make myself cry. I'm talking Steel Magnolias when Julia Roberts character dies, or Little Women when Claire Danes character dies.

I also had a loss of appetite. I also began fighting with my husband. Nothing was his fault but he kept asking what was wrong and it just made me angry and sad. Why couldn't I just feel normal.

That's when I finally decided to get help...I called my Dr, and she said to come in right away. This was hard because I felt like such a wimp. I felt embarrassed to tell her how I was acting and feeling. Would she laugh at me? Would she think I was stupid?
I began telling her the symptoms I had and she decided to put me on medication.
You can say what you want about medication but once my Dr. got me regulated on the right dosage my husband & I noticed a difference within a few weeks.
My mood began to change and I felt I could get out of bed again and be "normal" again.
My Dr. made me feel a lot better. She reassured me I was doing the right thing and that it took a strong person to come in and get help. She also told me it's much more common then I think. In fact her own daughter had it, and hers included self-harming. ( I have suffered self harming for many years in the past but decided not to tell her that) (that was just too personal)

She also suggested seeing a therapist to just get things off my chest if I wanted. I told her I had tried it in the past and had bad experiences. (first therapist was so off base and made me do dumb activities) The second therapist just let me talked and she listened but never game me any direction or suggestions. So I decided this was not my route to go.

Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of days that I still struggle. I think that's normal. I also think that there is this astigmatism that if you are depressed you can't say anything sad around the person. Not true. (Though sometimes my family will say, "well I didn't want to tell you because I thought you would get upset) As someone who has struggled with depression I highly recommend seeing someone or talking to your regular doctor. Don't bottle it up. Don't be embarrassed or ashamed. Depression is a lot more common then you think. Sometimes you can't control it. There is something chemically wrong in your brain and medication can balance it out.

Well there it is girls. I finally wrote the post that I was scared to write. I ask for any rude comments not be shared with me because it took plenty in me to write this post!
Sorry for the 'depressing' post. However I think it's good to get these things out and show the real side of bloggers too!



  1. Wow, Katie...thank you SO much for sharing your story! I think it's really tough to admit to anything like this, because it's basically admitting that we're not perfect (which I think we try really hard to hide on our blogs sometimes). You're so strong for posting this and I hope your experiences will help someone else get the courage to seek the treatment they may need!

  2. you are so amazing and strong for sharing your story! I have also struggled with depression so I know how hard it is to admit it. i know that your story will help someone that might be experiencing the same thing you went through. thank you for writing something so real and important!

  3. I know it took a lot to write this but thanks for sharing! I've struggled with depression since I was 13 so I can totally relate. It's always good to know you're not alone and opening up allows for other people to finally know your situation and to be there for you. Which I am if you ever need someone to talk about things. I know how tough some days can be, medication or not. xoxo

  4. That took a lot of guts to share but thank you!!! You're not alone because many people can relate to this. I hope some people will take this courageous post and be able to recognize if they are having problems themselves. <3

  5. I don't suffer from depression, but many people close to me do. Kudos to you for getting to a doctor and doing what you need to do to improve your life, and also for sharing this.

  6. it takes a lot of courage to open yourself up like this on the crazy world of the interwebs but know that you're not alone. millions of people suffer from depression and while this is not an uncommon thing, many suffer in silence because mental illness awareness is still in its early stages never mind the stigma that's attached to "mental illness".

    i am no stranger to depression. i was successfully treated however, i still have dips in my mood but now i at least know what my triggers are and i have my psychiatrist on speed dial.

    if you ever want to email or chat or anything of the sort (sometimes it's easier to talk to an anonymous person who can relate), you can feel free to message me or respond to this reply with your email.

    admitting and acknowledging your depression is the first key step in recovery. mental illness can be treated and while you may go through lows every once in a while, the important part is to reach out and friends, your doctor, your therapist... just talk.

    i blogged about my depression if you want to read it: i normally NEVER include a link to my blog when i comment on people's blogs but sometimes reading about other people's stories about their struggles with depression helps with coping because you know that you're not alone.

    hugs xoxoxox