Today I'm going to share a situation that has been happening at work. It's been bothering me for awhile and I just need to get it off my chest. For the sake of the people involved in the story I am going to change their names...even though they don't know about this blog.
Background information: I work for a Sheriff's Department in Wisconsin. I am corrections officer in a jail that houses about 215 inmates. I work the night shift and there are 3 other females on my shift with me and about 5 males.
About 2 weeks ago we had a food night at work on our night shift. We shared with the people in dispatch. Everyone brought something in to eat and we kept all the food in the front break room so everyone had acsess to the food. (The people in dispatch can't come back in to the jail because they have to be close in case they get a 911 call)
A girl I work with, we will call her 'Judy' brought in ice cream, root beer soda, whip cream, cherries, etc. She thought people could have root beer floats or make a sundae. At 10pm I went up to the front break room to make a root beer float but when I opened the freezer there wasn't any ice cream (yes this story revolves around ice cream, unbelieveable) I went back in to the jail and aske 'Judy' where the ice cream was and she said 'Todd' a fellow Corrections Officer took it in to the jail and put it on 3rd Floor breakroom and that our Sergeant told him he needed to put it back up front so the people in dispatch could have some too...
I then went up to 3rd floor and ask 'Todd' (hand to God) in a joking manner and said, "Todd did you bring the ice cream to the 3rd floor break room?!" 'Todd' turned around and said to me "God Katie don't fucking worry about it, if you don't seem to have something to bitch about your not happy" At this point I was so taken aback I didn't know what to say. I was joking...why was he yelling at me? I then told 'Todd' that the Sergeant said he needed to bring it back down to the front break room...'Todd' said "why don't you go whine to the Sergeant and tell her I took the ice cream, don't you have somewhere else to be? Your not wanted up here, no one wants you up here" (There were 2 other officers in the control pod with us who were dead silent while this was happening) All I could mutter was 'shut up Todd'. That's when the tears begin to fill my eyes. Not wanting 'Todd' to see me cry I went back down to first floor and began crying to another female officer and my Sergeant. (Not my proudest moment but I was upset) They said ignore him, he's a jerk, and got me to calm down. Another officer overheard and said to me, "Look I only cry over people who matter to me, and I KNOW 'Todd' doesn't matter to you. He isn't worthy of your tears" That made me feel better.
I guess I just thought this was ridicoulous! I mean it was over ice cream and I was joking! But to me it was more then that.
I always feel that I have to prove myself to the guys. These are some of the things that 'Todd' has said to me..and yes this is true: I couldn't makes this stuff up if I wanted too...
"Katie everytime you eat a chip I just see you getting fatter"
"How does your husband feel knowing he settled for mediocer" (sp?)
"I would never want you to back me up in a fight, I would always choose one of the male officer's before you"
"This isn't a women's job, they are too emotional"
"The buttons on your shirt are just screaming to be let out"
I take crap from him all the time because it's kind of a mans world in the jail. I know if I went to the Captain or Human Resources that they would do something but then I just ratted on a fellow officer and I would put another wedge between us. This man can make me feel like the smallest bug to be crushed. My self esteem is already on the floor and when he says things like this to me I just sit there and try to laugh it off but in the inside I'm hating myself...
I don't know why I wrote this...it's just been on my mind and needed to write it out...sorry it was so long and that it's a depressing blog, lol.
Anyway, happy Wednesday everybody! Those Wisconsin-nites watch out for all that snow tonight and tomorrow!!